There is death every moment

After enlightenment, I have become Shunya or Nothing. There is no substance left in me. I don’t know whether addressing myself as “me” would be appropriate.

I have become very vulnerable because now I know that I will not be able to protect myself. I have lost my own strength. My strength and my ability to sustain depends on the strength of the story I am associated with. Now it is difficult to say what I am good at. I also realize that In the past have never been good but very mediocre.

I would also admit that there is fear. Enlightenment does not make you brave. It makes you fearless – you are neither brave nor coward. You are just fearless. This is because now there is no protection. I just dissolve with changing situations. Changing situations change me and I am not able to save myself. I “die” each time right in front of my eyes each time the situation changes and I am born again to fit the current situation.

Earlier there were stories of which I was an active part. Changing situations could not change my story. I was intact. I was brave. Even if the story dissolved, another story was immediately picked up. Now the stories are so fluid that they change with changing situation. Earlier I was like Ice. Hard. There was a shape. It did not flow. Now I have become just like water. I have lost my strength. I take up the shape of the container I am put in. My shape changes with the shape of the container. Every “change of shape” is a death. Every change creates fear as every change is death.

Earlier one feels fear at the time of death. Now there is death every moment.

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